The Game of Life

Ugh,

 ***Warning! Whiner Baby Alert***

   I really mean ugh!

I haven’t slept more than 5 hours in about 2 weeks now. I’m averaging 3 hours. Last night was less than 2. I’ve looked up Insomnia and pregnancy on google and a big fat waste of time that was. Mostly there were major debates about medication for the 80% of women who suffer from insomnia while pregnant. Then there was the oh so “helpful” baby websites: “Snuggle up in bed with a good book and a cup of milk, have your spouse rub your feet to relax you..blah blah blah” 

Let me tell you: There’s no such thing as a 165 lb, 6 month pregnant women ‘snuggling’. And if Shane could stay awake long enough for me to ask him to rub my feet it would be seconds later that he would get a midnight call out. Don’t get me wrong Shane is the most helpful husband and father I could possible ask for but circumstance makes some of these websites advice laughable. 

 Last Night, this morning the last thing I saw on the clock was 5:36am (I happened to glance over again after the cat lunged at my face). Emma woke me up at 7:13am. This isn’t unheard of considering my past 2 weeks but today it seems unbelievable as I croak a ‘hello’ and help Emma on the toilet. 

Next I grab applesauce, yogurt, granola, and a sippy cup of water; I’m proud of myself as I make sure not to mix them all together and prepare a breakfast for Emma and sputter something like “Mommy is really tired and I’m going back to bed, here is some food.”

When or if I “nap” in this house Emma is usually on very “good” behavior. She either plays so quietly in her room by herself that my mommy radar goes off and I have to see if she is coloring with boogers on the wall or hiding in the corner because she wet her pants. Or she brings ALL her toys in my room and tries to play with me. “Mommy, here, have some tea party with me!”  or “Hey Mommy, are you tired? I want you to dance with me.” This morning she chose to play with me and I could only endure 25 more minutes of "sleeping in". 

The truth is I’ve always had sleep issues, but I’m pretty certain I’m extra grumpy because I’m bitter. I missed out on a family reunion thanks to being responsible with the budget and some unforeseen expenses that came up recently. Deep down I’m grateful to follow a budget and know it is worth it in the long run, but I can’t help but look back at old photos before my life was full of real RESPONSIBILITY and wonder if those days are gone forever. 

Too bad I’m so bitter that all I see in these old photos is how once upon a time i didn’t feel as heavy as a hippo!

Let's just blame this post on the pregnancy hormones...